apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
