She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize