I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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