Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
