Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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