I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
