Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
