I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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