she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
