My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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