When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
