haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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