During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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