Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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