he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
