I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
