i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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