How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
