Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
