So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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