he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
