Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
