the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
