I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
