I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
