we're chasing vodka with high fives
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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