i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
