When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
