I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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