I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
