I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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