you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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