Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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