My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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