meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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