my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
