Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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