cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
