i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
