I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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