she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
