Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize