there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
