Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
