I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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