you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
