at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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