just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
