We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
