It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
