is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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