i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
