hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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