The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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