I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
