Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
