so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
