WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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