My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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