you guys were way drunker than both of me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it's like iHOP with fire
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize