Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dick has a subreddit
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize