We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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