I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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