That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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