so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
