I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
