Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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