Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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