are you so shy because you have an std?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
