I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize