You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
