i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
