I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
false alarm, still single
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
