Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
