Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
