i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
