The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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