When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
